Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Can't Change Horses in the Middle of a Stream

You can, of course. But you're limited. F'rinstance, what if you have kids, a mortgage and bills and stuff and a job that may not pay a great deal but does pay and does have benefits? Not so easy then, is it, to up stakes and start all over again? At something completely different from what one is doing.

I've read that one thing you can do is part-time volunteer at something to get some experience, and then try for an actual paying job at it. Wouldn't that be awesome if what you wanted to be was a surgeon? Hey, let me operate...just a little...just to learn how.

There are things one could learn by doing but apparently not here, and not now. Beekeeper? Dairy farm worker? Not going to happen. So I'll wait until I'm retired and then have many bees, a donkey or two, a dairy cow and a draft horse of some description. None of which I'll know how to look after, of course. I'd be better off trying to learn how to do brain surgery.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The one thing it COULDN'T be. Hopefully.

I should move somewhere that has closed circuit TV everywhere. Because I want to be able to play for everyone the weird stuff that happens to me. Sometimes because it is hard to believe and sometimes because it's just so funny that I myself want the pleasure of reminding myself of just how crazy people are. The latest thing? Here we go:

I am not changing the grammar, by the way. Written as spoken.
Scene: parking lot at Sobey's.
Action: guy pulling out of parking space just about hits me as I walk by. And feels that HE has to yell at ME for this. But he was, clearly, crazy:

Him: Jesus Christ lady watch where you're going.
Me: I'm a pedestrian (for some reason this seemed important to state).
Him: Handicapped people always the right of way. You should have been watching.
Me: Pedestrians have the right of way, I'm pretty sure. I think. (should never have admitted uncertainty).
Him: But I'm in a handicapped space. Handicapped. What if my handicap was because I'm blind?
Me: Blind? But-
Him: Blind, so I couldn't see you. And hitting you would be your fault.
Me: Hmmm. Blind people. Driving Cars. Really.
Him: (pause. LONG pause) Well...fuck you.

And then he drives off. Still, I'm guessing, mad at me.

I love the typical come back. Not up to witty reposte? Sudden realization that you're an idiot? Totally lost your mind? Then swear. Because that so makes your argument look reasonable.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Least Likely Dream

I get headaches. Sometimes they are bearable and sometimes they're just not. And when I take meds for the worst of them on of the side-effects is mild hallucinations. Not always, just every now and again. It's very odd and sadly nowhere near as interesting as it could be.

Need a for instance? A couple of weekends ago I had one of those truly terrible migraines. And I took the medicine. And while the headache did go away, as I was lying there in the dark Ky came by and cut off all of my hair. Not really, of course. Merely a hallucination of her. My favourite bit, though, was her saying (in the tone of voice people use when they have something deeply profound to say. Something that you HAVE to pay attention to) "I'm sorry. But had to be done".

2 Down, 102 to Go

I have a basement in my house. Not that anyone but me ever goes there, but it exists. It is full of just...crap. Broken things, baby things not know what I mean. I've been hoping for years to have enough money to get a Loras bin or whatever it's called and have the whole thing just totally cleared out. However...

Ever notice that as soon as you start putting money aside for something, some emergency immediately happens that uses it up? So I have never been able to get rid of stuff.

We are lucky, here, though because we don't have to pay for our weekly garbage pick-up. So I decided that every single Monday one thing from the basement gets added to the bin. I'm guessing that it will be six months before I can tell that the basement is getting better and two years (104 garbage days) before I'm where it needs to be to start work on. Today was day two. One Hundred and Two more pick-ups*.

*Possibly less - baby stuff that is clean and in good repair will be sent to Goodwill.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Fortune and Game

Not likely a fortune, actually. It just seemed like a good title. So I have a magic casino coin. Not like magic beans that you get to plant and grow a giant bean plant, but magic in the sense that it has been travelling around the house in a very mysterious manner.

Perhaps, though, the most mysterious thing about it is that I have it at all. It arrived in the mail the year the casino was built. Came with a flashy pamphlet suggesting that the best way to plan for retirement was to blow every penny I had or could embezzle at the dazzling new casiono.

Back to the story:

I was cleaning out the junk drawer in my dresser (only six drawers in that thing: one is for junk, four are for lingerie and one is for actual clothing. I don't think that is what a dresser is meant to be) and found a five dollar chip from Casino Regina. I tidied the whole drawer and, I think, left the coin there.

Jump forward a few years and I'm cleaning out the junk drawer in the kitchen when lo and behold the coin appears. Again. So I leave it, I'm pretty sure, in the newly tidied drawer.

Jump to yesterday when I honestly couldn't mow the lawn (too much rain) but I decided - no, I don't know why - that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do some chore, however small. So I decided to clean out the junk drawer in the bathroom. Oh, come on. You don't have a junk drawer in your house? Liar.

Anyway...yup, there in the drawer was the bloody chip again. The chip I was fairly certain I'd left in the kitchen drawer. Clearly, I'm meant to spend the chip. But parking is two bucks, so I really only have three free dollars. What do y'all think I should do?

Where's the Cow?

I went to the store yesterday, for milk. Sadly, I went in the midst of a terrible sugar craving. I came home with:
Snowballs (the Scottish marshmallow kind, not the snowy throwing kind)
Unfiltered Apple Juice
Maple Toffee (on sale!)
Two packages of Durum Semolina
Rice Crispy treats, chocolate/caramel
Dog chews
Rice Crispy treats, strawberry
Key Limes. For a key lime pie.
Frosted mini-wheats
Superfine sugar
BBQ Sauce
Chocolate Chips

Yes, for those who were paying attention there is one thing missing on the list. Idiot. I'm an idiot. And yet the other day talking about a new discovery in England in Shoreditch I said "hey, that's in that bell song". What? "ya, you know "oranges and lemons say the bells of St. Clements? There's a pair that says 'when will you pay be say the bells of Old Bailey? When I grow rich say the bells of Shoreditch'".

Yep, I can remember a nursury rhyme that I probably last heard in elementary school but I can't remember to BRING HOME THE DAMN MILK.