Saturday, June 30, 2007

Why you shouldn't be single.

It's a good idea to have a partner in life. Not just for the ususal benefits, but because when - and it will happen - you get a splinter in your eye, you have someone who can pull it out for you. It is hard to see the thing in your eye when you have...well, a thing in your eye.

I will also take this time to note that A. is more squeamish than I thought.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Old McDonald had a Farm

Wednesday night was a very bizarre night. The people across the alley and one over from us had a party. An outdoors, loud music loud/people party. Until at least midnight. I know it was still on at midnight because I got out of bed to see who, exactly, was living la vida loca on a week night at such high volume. And then I got scared on the way to the kitchen when I ran into my son who was leaving the kitchen with a giant snack. He was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. What he was wearing is relevant to this, ok? Deal with it.

So I went back to bed and eventually fell asleep. Only to wake up at five and discover that somehow, in the night, my daughter had come into my room, as had both dogs, as had my son. Who was, as it happens, completely dressed, right down to his socks and shoes. Does he remember getting dressed? No. Does he remember coming to my room? No. does my daughter? No. did I wake up for any of this? No. Do three people and two dogs fit comfortable on one bed? Decidedly no.

Anyway…time to get up and cook. First things first, though, so I let the dogs out. And there, on the lawn, was an egg. A regular bought-at-Safeway type chicken egg. So I went outside and looked back at the house. Had it been egged? No. Were there any other eggs? No. Did either child know anything about said egg? No. Were there any eggs missing from the six I’d bought the night before? No. We have lots of theories but until this morning no answers.

And this morning? What was the answer that occurred to me this morning? Nothing occurred to me. But there was a chicken in the back yard this morning. A regular farm-type chicken. So the egg thing is probably answered. Definitely answered, and in a fairly typical way for my bizarre life. Can’t wait to see what the weekend has to offer.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

and a triple by-pass to go.

So I thought that the whole deep-fried Mars bar was first on the list of things that are stupidly bad for your heart*. However...there are people out there extolling the virtues of frying Kispy Kreme doughnuts in butter. Yes, doughnuts that are already fried in oil and subjected to a waterfall of glaze, fried in butter until the sugar caramalizes. Craziness.

And because there will be those of you who must try this, here ya go:
Step 1: Ingredients
Krispy Kreme donuts are very unique donuts, so you need to do whatever you can to get them. If you don't use Krispy Kreme donuts, then I can't vouch for the outcome of the taste. To make this dish, you will need the following:
Krispy Kreme Donut
Butter (as much as you want — does it really matter at this point)
Step 2: Warm Skillet, Add Butter
Turn on the heat to somewhere between Medium to Medium-High. Add the butter, and wait until it's completely melted before proceeding to Step 3.
Step 3: Add Donut
As soon as the butter begins to bubble, add the donut. To get maximum butter coverage, flip the donut and make sure each side is thoroughly covered.
Next, take a spatula and start flattening the donut. The best way to do this is to flatten the donut, wait at least 30 seconds, flip the donut and repeat.
Step 4: Remove and Eat
Remove the donut when it starts to have a caramel color. Do not confuse this with burnt.
Let it stand for about 1-2 minutes to allow it to cool. When you cut the donut with a fork, the donut should be crispy on the outside. Enjoy!

*Yes, of course there are things that are bad for your heart in a non-stupid way. Saganaki, for instance. Cheese dipped in egg and flour, fried in butter and flamed with Ouzo? Of course it's bad for you, but it isn't stupid. It's cheese.

Sometimes they really are blonde

So the smoking bathroom talkers* struck again - describing (in detail even their ob-gyn's shouldn't hear ) their sex lives. It was almost worth listening to, though, to hear them questioning one of the three about some guy she just met. Her first line was:
"Well, he is either gay... or he isn't gay". And yes, she was blonde.

*No, they don't smoke there, but they go in their to re-perfume themselves after each cigarette break. Of which there are a ten to fifteen a day. Between the smokes and the bathroom I'm pretty sure they work half time.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Steppin' Out

So I thought that it would be nice if today went smoothly, given that I am going out tonight. And I don’t mean out with kids, I mean OUT out. Grown ups, in a bar. And not just women – women and men! A mixed group of people going out doing something vaguely grown-up like.

The going smoothly plan died when I stepped slightly off balance going onto the step into the back yard. Which ended up with a sprained ankle (but I can walk on it, so how bad can it be?), a tear in the pants I was wearing, a cut on that leg and really muddy hands. New outfit, another start to the day.

And now I am at my desk searching for band-aids and some sort of disinfectant because I caught my finger on something sharp in the photo drawer. But that is now ok too.

So – third thing needs to happen (if it is going to happen) BEFORE I go out and have a nice relaxing evening. Because that would be nice, yes?

Monday, June 04, 2007

Empty Space, here on Earth

What kind of a world is it when I open up the news and the top story is "Paris Hilton starts Jail Sentence"? Is that what we've become? This madness that says tell me more about celebrities, and don't try to slip any actual news in there?

I know, I shouldn't be shocked but I am.